Scent Of The Seashore
by Kraven Ergeist
Summary: I've always liked the idea of an Asuka x Kaworu pairing, until it occured to me that I haven't officially released any actual Asuka x Kaworu fics yet. With that thought in mind, I wrote this. Rating for language.
1. Chapter One

**Evangelion Fan Fiction**

**Scent of the Seashore**

By Kraven Ergeist

The war of the angels was merciless. It had taken its toll on the soldiers of Earth. Shinji knew not the meaning of friendship, Rei knew not the meaning of self, and Asuka knew not the meaning of love.

The arrival of another signaled a change, however, as he stood as no mere human.

"So, this is the fabled Soryu Asuka Langley," Kaworu said, glancing down at the sleeping form.

The hospital wing was usually empty at this time of night. Shinji and his other were asleep, as Kaworu checked on the last of the fighters for the side of Earth.

"Pathetic," he huffed, and turned around.

A hand clutched the back of his shirt. "You wanna repeat that?"

Kaworu turned around, facing the girl staring coldly back at him. "I said 'pathetic.' To be honest, you're hardly in a position to argue."

Asuka responded by yanking him off to the side, before sitting up to give him a good stare down. "I am sick and tired of washed up nobodies making judgments about me!"

Kaworu shrugged, looking away. "Well, then, I guess you're fed up with being a human, then. Human beings judge all around them, it's their nature. You, Ms. Soryu, are guilty of judging everyone you meet."

"You don't know anything about me!" Asuka yelled. "And I have every right to judge those lesser than me!"

Kaworu blinked. "Oh, really? Who died and made you queen? Just like any other human, when faced with their own weakness, they invent some irrefutable nonsense to prove their own existence."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Whatever that means."

Kaworu smiled. "It means you're making excuses. If you're so brilliant, prove it. If you're so talented, prove it. If the rest of us are so inferior to you, then be superior, don't just act it."

Asuka glared at him. "I don't need to prove anything!"

Kaworu sighed. "And why not? If I were to judge you based off NERV's record of your accomplishments, what am I to believe?" He then removed a list from his pocket, and began pacing around the perimeter of the hospital room. "Campaign against the 6th angel, assisted by pilot Ikari. Campaign against the 7th, assisted by Ikari. 8th, you were rescued by Ikari, 9th, three pilot co-op. 10th, three pilot co-op, 11th, the Eva's weren't even involved. 12th, defeated by pilot Ikari, 13th, defeated by the dummy plug system. 14th, defeated by Ikari, 15th, your one solo mission, you failed miserably. Defeated by pilot Ayanami. 16th, defeated by pilot Ayanami."

Kaworu returned to Asuka's bedside. "Now, you tell me, what does it sound like you've accomplished? You were never even an asset to NERV once, Ms. Soryu! Not _once_!"

Asuka returned a cold glare at the stranger. "Who the hell are you, anyway? What the hell do you want? What are you trying to prove, anyway? Is this some sort of psychological trip or something?"

Kaworu sighed. "Ms. Soryu, I'm here to give you a perspective on things. Both the First and Third Child are still going about their duties here at NERV, and while it's as difficult for them as it is for you, and don't even try to deny it, they're sticking to it, while you're here, in a hospital bed, feeling sorry for yourself. Who's the better person for that?"

Asuka clenched her fists into tight balls. "I'm going to say this once, you asshole. Get out. Right now."

Kaworu smirked. "Or you'll what? Hit me? That's seems to be your solution to every social problem you run into, now doesn't it? Ms. Soryu, I don't see how you possibly can justify hurting other people the way you do. As much as you claim otherwise, you of all people have no right to-"

SMACK!

"-Assume any authority in other people's business when you haven't even solved your own. Now you can hit me as much as you like, but that doesn't change the fact-"

WHUMP!

"-That you're simply running away, just as you claim everyone else does."

While Asuka's palm and knuckles stung like nothing else, Kaworu's face seemed spotless. What was this kid _made_ of, Asuka wondered?

Kaworu turned to go. "You can sit and think it over as much as you want, Ms. Soryu, but it seems to be you've had all the time in the world to do that. Now, either shape up your act, or give it all up. You can linger as long as you want, but you're just going to end up right back where you started."

Asuka just sat there, pretending to ignore the jabs from this complete stranger. Who the hell was he? Who did he think he was? What right did he have to talk to her like that?

Fed up, feeling angrier than before, she rolled over and went back to bed.

xxxxx

It was later, much later, when Asuka decided to get up and stop moping around. Trying to kill herself via malnutrition didn't seem to be working – thank God for the feeding tube.

Venting her anger on others seemed to be the only outlet she really had. It had proven effective in the past, until the people she brutalized started becoming unresponsive. Piloting Eva for a ruthless megalomaniac does that to you. But this newcomer, this pale-faced boy from God knows where, seemed like a decent enough recipient.

God, she just wanted to punch his lights out!

The logic center of her brain kicked in and reminded her that she had tried that already, and aside from a sore fist, she had gained nothing from the act. The guy didn't even flinch. That just made her hate him even more.

Her fist made contact with one of NERV's steel walls. She could have sworn it hurt less than that boy's face.

Deep down, she knew she was losing it. Letting herself slip away into delirium, and falling into malnutrition were hardly sane qualities, and she knew it even in her possessed state. Deep down, she also knew that everything the boy had said to her was true.

Which made her hate him even more.

"Good morning, Ms. Soryu," Kaworu said, causing said girl to jerk away. "Feeling better?"

Asuka recoiled at the sudden breach of silence, giving the boy a harsh glare. "Mother fucker! Why the hell do you keep stalking me?"

Kaworu shook his head. "Such language, Ms. Soryu. I haven't been stalking you, Ms. Soryu. It's been three days since our last encounter. Since then, I have been conversing with the other staff members of NERV. I believe you lost consciousness again and have remained there for the past 80 hours or so."

Asuka turned and walked away. "Whatever, just leave me the hell alone!"

Kaworu shrugged. "I will in a moment, but I have to ask you – have you given any thought to my advice the other night?"

"Advice?" Asuka gawked. "You basically told me that I was worthless! I'd hardly call that advice!"

"I'd call it constructive criticism."

"_Constructive_?"

"You got up, didn't you?"

Asuka walked away.

"You haven't answered my que-"

"I _said_ leave me the fuck alone!"

"I believe the expletive you used before was 'hell' if I'm not mistaken-"

"Shut up!" Asuka was screaming now. "Shut up, shut _up_!"

Kaworu just stared back at her. "No. You see, Ms. Soryu, and it hasn't taken me long to notice this…you're more lost than anyone around you. When you look at the world around, you don't see what's actually there – instead, you see the illusions that you've constructed out of an entire life's worth of isolation, dedication, and most of all, fear. Isolation from human compassion…dedication to an ideal that is ultimately just as unattainable as it is to the rest of the world…and fear that, despite all your hard work, you still might fail. After all the time and effort you put into building yourself, you're more afraid than anything else that you might still be just as helpless as the rest of us."

Asuka blinked. She stood still for a long time, not doing anything. Kaworu had hit a mark, and he knew it. At long last, the shell had cracked, and Asuka was ready to come out.

"Who…who in God's name are you?"

Kaworu smiled.

"My name is Kaworu Nagisa."

xxxxx

Too tired to talk, though I will say this: In my experience, if you want to break a tough nut, there's only one solution - Get a tougher nut.


	2. Chapter Two

**Evangelion Fan Fiction**

**Scent of the Seashore**

By Kraven Ergeist

Chapter Two

Asuka glared out at the water. A lake of sorts was all that was left of most of Tokyo-3 after Unit 00 went boom not long ago. Not that Asuka really gave a damn.

"Yes, it's a really nice lake," Asuka snorted. "Are we done now?"

Kaworu, seated atop an assortment of rocks, just sighed. "Ms. Soryu, your tastes for the beauty of nature aside, what else do you have planned? NERV doesn't plan on using you at all soon-"

"Which is your fault, by the way."

"Not my fault," Kaworu shook his head. "I am merely the result. Anyhow, is there anything else you would rather be doing? Or anyone else to do anything with? Most of the people in the city have left, and judging by your sobriquets of your fellow pilots…what names did you use again?"

"Baka-hentai and Wondergirl?" Asuka offered.

"Those were them," Kaworu snapped his fingers. "Anyhow, judging from that, your fellow pilots are unsuitable company for you either. Whom else would you be spending your time with?"

"Anyone but you," Asuka glared.

Kaworu smiled. "Should I have left you in the hospital room then?"

Asuka turned away, reality wearing her down. There was a long pause, before she sat on her haunches and muttered. "What good is doing anything with no one to appreciate you doing it?"

Kaworu blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Asuka shook her head. "It's nothing. I was just-"

"Asuka," Kaworu said. "May I call you that?"

Asuka blinked. "What? Sure, do whatever you want."

Kaworu smiled. "Well then, Asuka…hold still for a moment."

Asuka stood rigid. "What? Is there a bug in my hair or something?"

Kaworu chuckled. "No, no…just…don't move for a minute…"

She did, suspiciously, looking around to see if she could find some sort of hidden camera or anything else that would confirm her suspicions. About a minute and a half passed, and nothing happened. The subtle drone of the cicadas, relentlessly buzzing away the afternoon mixed with the gentle, repetitive sloshing of the wake of the water were the only sounds heard for that still moment.

"And?" Asuka muttered. "Am I waiting for something?"

Kaworu sighed. "Clearly, the value of patience is lost on you."

Asuka crossed her arms. "Patience for an expected outcome is one thing. Patience in ignorance is something else entirely, and it's not something I do."

Kaworu sighed. "The true mentality of an Eva pilot. There always has to be _something_ going on. Can't you just once appreciate a moment of tranquility? I think if you do, you'll at least feel a little better."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "What are you, my therapist?"

Kaworu shrugged. "A doctor isn't what you need, Asuka."

"Then what _do_ I need?" the redhead harrumphed.

Kaworu shrugged. "You could just stay still for a few moments like I suggested. Come now, what's the harm? A few moments of stillness won't kill you."

Asuka sighed. "I've had a lot more than "a few moments of stillness" back the hospital."

Kaworu smiled. "That's not the same thing, and you know it."

"Hey, I'm trying to take your advice here," Asuka griped, eyes closed. "How can I be tranquil if you won't shut up?"

Kaworu nodded, but didn't disturb the silent air. Once again, the scents and sounds of nature began to pervade, from the chirping cicadas, to the cascading tide, to the soft gentle scent of the seashore. In a mind that knew only anger and drive, the calm was an alien feeling to Asuka, a feeling of peace that washed over her, making her both comfortable and uneasy all at once.

So amidst, Asuka hardly even noticed Kaworu's soft humming. When she did, however, she didn't ask him to stop. Instead, she joined in, humming the world famous verse in harmony with the other, a gentle reverberation across effervescent horizons,

Asuka opened her eyes. "Well…that was…ok…"

Kaworu smiled. "I knew you'd enjoy it."

Asuka shrugged, stiffly getting to her feet. "It's not it's solved all my problems anyway."

Kaworu nodded, returning to his own. "But don't they feel a bit less of a burden?"

Asuka remained silent, debating with herself what sort of answer to give the pale boy. Finally, resigning to honesty, she sighed.

"Yeah…"

Kaworu nodded, smiling, but otherwise remained where he was. Confident that he had given her a push in the right direction, he waited for her to make the next move.

Asuka turned to him nodded. "Walk with me."

xxxxx

"…And when I opened the door, she was hanging from the ceiling."

Kaworu listened intently as Asuka released memories of a scarred childhood, of a tormenting parentage, and of a decision that set her life on the hard road of unyielding perfection.

"You're the first person I've ever told that to," Asuka admitted, after catching her breath. She was sweating hard, air coming out of her lungs in slow, laborious drags. "I don't know why I'm letting this out. It feels…wrong…to…"

"It's alright," Kaworu assured. "Such a dark secret, buried under so many years of devotion and isolation…I know it must be hard to simply retell it to a total stranger."

Asuka nodded. "Yeah…" Still panting, she shrugged. "But for some reason, I don't really see you as a stranger any more."

Kaworu smiled, eyes closed. "I'm glad. It's good to know that you find me worthy of your trust."

Asuka bit her lip. "Now…why don't you tell me something about yourself?"

Kaworu nodded. "Fair. I was raised in a lab, very similar to the one at NERV. The one who raised me is very much like your commander is: controlling. I was taught to believe that I existed for a single purpose."

Asuka frowned. "You were taught to believe? Or you _do_ believe?"

Kaworu smiled. "You recognize the distinction. Very good. I was taught to believe. So long as you recognize the means by which someone tries to manipulate you…you at very least can be honest with yourself. Even if you're forced to do something you don't want to do…you can at least acknowledge that, if it were your choice, the outcome would be different."

Kaworu smiled as Asuka digested that. For someone who could be as honest as she had just been with him, he felt that she deserved the same honesty in return. It was risky, however. Taking into account Asuka's intelligence, she might very well decipher his true nature from that comment.

If she had divined any truths from his statement, however, she did not show it. "So…you were raised like Wondergirl, huh?"

Kaworu nodded. "You might say that."

Asuka snorted. "I think I just did."

Kaworu smiled. "Touché. Yes, I was raised like the First Child."

Asuka sighed. "I see…now, if only she would show the level of free will that you do."

Kaworu frowned, turning his eyes away. "I'm not as free as you think…"

No matter how hard Asuka pestered the boy, he would not reveal anything further on his comment. And many would affirm that the Second Child's ability to pester measured to the astronomic level.

xxxxx

"So, how do you feel, now that you got all that off your chest?" Kaworu muttered, walking Asuka back to Misato's apartment. It was unlikely that either occupant was there at the moment, but that was probably a good thing.

"And what would you know about my chest?" Asuka leered, smartly.

"Flattering to say the least," Kaworu nodded, his eyes not moving a fraction of an inch from where they should have been. "Though, your best feature by far is your eyes. True blue like yours, Asuka, is a rarity for most, and few ever really notice such nuances in favor of…other assets."

Asuka grinned. "I didn't expect you to recover from that bit."

Kaworu smiled. "I don't falter easily."

There was a moment of pause.

"Thanks for the compliment, by the way," Asuka muttered.

Kaworu nodded, smiling at her, kindly. "I give credit where credit's due. Is this the spot?"

Asuka hadn't even noticed that she had stopped outside of the apartment door. "Oh. Yes, it is."

Kaworu nodded. "Very well, then. Sleep soundly, Asuka. I hope to see you in the morning."

Asuka nodded, trying to return his kind face. All she could manage was a weak look of confusion. The door closed, and Kaworu's fox-like smile disappeared behind a metal plate.

Asuka stood still, facing her door for several minutes. Not long ago (though it may very well have been, she wasn't conscious to experience it) she had absolutely hated the boy she just said goodnight to. And now…

Asuka trembled, more confused than she had ever been. What the hell was she feeling anymore? She was so used to hating those around her, how the hell was she supposed to act when someone actually didn't get on her nerves? When someone made her, honestly and truthfully, made her feel like the whole world wasn't out to get her? How the hell was she supposed to understand emotions that she had denied herself since the age of seven?

Asuka flicked the light switch on and threw her third houseguest a stern glare. "And what do you want?"

A loud 'wark' sounded, reiterating a fact that should have, in all fairness, been self-evident.

"Yeah, well, we don't always get what we want, do we?" Asuka muttered, ignoring the warm water penguin as she made her way to the kitchen and threw an instant meal tray into the microwave.

Another 'wark' broke the stillness.

Asuka removed the tray, and sat at the table, shoving the lumps of meat and tofu into her mouth. It couldn't have been any worse than the food the hospital gave her, and she hadn't eaten all day.

Apparently, neither had Pen-pen.

"Look, I'm not in the mood right now, okay?" Asuka grumbled. "Now shoo!"

The bird's squawking and fluttering finally got the better of her, as she pulled a can of sardines from the fridge, tossing one to the bird, who gobbled up the morsel in haste, flapping and squawking gleefully.

"Now are you gonna do a trick for me?" Asuka sighed, making light of the situation.

Pen-pen's definition of a trick seemed to be synonymous with the phrase "more food."

"Whatever, if it will at least keep you quiet."

Staring down at her meal tray, she huffed, tossing the plate along with its half-eaten meal in the trash. "Oh, for God's sake, he's just some guy! Why the hell am I getting all worked up?"

Pen-pen, currently focused on his meal, offered little advice.

"I mean, sure, he wasn't bad looking, but compared to Kaji, he…"

She shut herself, angry that there was no one to blame for bringing him up but herself.

Asuka sat back down at the table, laying her head down. "What am I supposed to do? How the hell am I supposed to react? Why can't I just shrug this guy off like I do everything else!"

She crumbled when she realized, that even that last claim was a lie. Despite her sincere efforts, she had broken. After years of perseverance, dedication, devotion, she was still, somehow, damn it all, still beaten by that wimp! And then, to top it off, that God Damn Doll went and beat the angel that fucking _raped_ her! It was no wonder her resolution against the male sex was weakening. God knows, everything _else_ about her was!

Her heart, no less heavy than before, began to cry.

_No! Damn it, no! Don't you dare cry, Asuka!_

Yet she couldn't. Somehow, the tears just came. Something inside herself finally just relaxed.

She couldn't do it anymore! She couldn't go through life pretending that nothing hurt! Why the hell was she supposed to be so perfect? Why had she been burdened with the task of being better than everyone else?

_No one forced you to be perfect, dummkopf! You did that to yourself!_

The fact that the apartment was devoid of any other human life undoing her final shield, she barred her teeth, letting the tears come freely.

She cried for the life she refused to live. She cried because of the unnecessary grief she had put herself and everyone else through. She cried because it had taken her seven years to realize it.

She cried for her mother. She cried for Kaji.

And she cried because, after everyone else in her life had said their piece, the one who showed her the true light had been a complete stranger.

"I hope to see you too…Kaworu…"

xxxxx

A/N: Well, hopefully Asuka's recovery won't make her seem too OOC, you have to realize that in order for Asuka to even be _involved_ in a relationship at the stage in the series where Kaworu even becomes a character, she has to go through _some_ level of character change.

If the first chapter lacked any real hint of a relationship forming, I hope this one did a better job of making up for it. You have to understand, even though they look good together, Kaworu x Asuka is pretty hard to pull off the right way. It's difficult to not make Kaworu into a condescending bastard, because, like I said at the end of the first chapter, if you want to crack a tough nut, get a tougher nut.

Oh, and thanks for pointing out the misusage of the "Mrs." and "Ms." titles. I guess that's why using the "-san" suffix is so much easier. Also, Kaworu addressed her as Soryu Asuka Langley because, to me at least, that is the way her name is formed that would be known throughout the First Branch as the famous Second Child. It was a title to connote the implication of admiration, to which Kaworu is disappointed. I did it that way on purpose because, at that point, the name is all he knows – and thus, the name has to connote more gravity than it actually possesses. Just trying to explain that.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Will post more soon.


End file.
